Its only been two days since the break up

This is going to be hard because we live toghether

Neither one of us can afford to leave or break the lease

Its hard for me even though I broke up with him

But whats more hard is that he doesnt seem to understand how hurt I am

He cant see past the anger and see a dissapointed hurt girl

No one ever sees the hurt

I know there will be times I miss his good qaulities but for the most part Im relieved

Right now Im feeling like I cant wait to die but as broke down as I feel Im gonna try

I overthink too much and I plan everything so the plan is in September I will have paid time off for work

And when that happens Ill take a week off and during that week commit suicide

I wrote a previous post asking what Im waiting for

But due to my overthinking Im afraid that if I do it now and it doesnt work Ill be in the hospital and end up losing my job because I have no paid time off and Ive gone past the limit points of calling off and I just dont wanna take that chance

I also dont want people thinking he had anything to do with it

As much as he frustrates, annoys, stresses and hurts me I would never want him to have the satisfaction of thinking he drove me to my suicide

But Im ready to be over

Even the good things in life dont keep me hanging on anymore

I think Id be a better daughter, sister, grandaughter from heaven

Im truely in limbo because Im hoping that god will either give me the strength to get through this and come out better then expected

Or please let me die cause I cant do another year of this

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Comments (3)

  1. jamesgirl

    I’m begging you to live beautiful. You can’t change your mind after you commit suicide. I’ve been there, I’ve wanted to die. It passed though, feelings change. Don’t do something you can’t take back. You’re not alone, I’m here for you and God is there inside of you. We are not in this world, the world is within us. Live beautiful… live.

    June 10, 2017
  2. justmimi

    I don’t think that’s possible and I cant afford it alone, thanks for the advice Add a reply…

    June 05, 2017