Day 3 into 4 of Break Up

So far its ok

Our conversations are small and quick

He hasnt asked about getting back toghether

Today he bought me some food and paid me back for groceries before the break up

Were being cordial and kind

Today when he left he didnt say he loved me so thats a good sign

I think its best we part as soon as the lease is up

I think in time he will see this is not some ploy to teach a lesson but understand that he broke my trust and added on to my depression and that he has to move on now because I chose to move on

In time maybe I wont hold on to this grudge and we can be friendly but right now I have other things on my mind

I made a list of things to do in the next 6 months

I go back and forth with feelings of maybe there is hope to Im screwed

I did acclomplish one goal

I save all my change and take 20 bucks in cash every pay period

The goal was to save 300 of that to deposit into a second checking account that I have

I saved 350 so I try to look at that as a small victory

Im scared to try to live on my own but I gotta do it

What a loser huh, 36 and never lived on her own, my living arrangements were always provided to me

Sure I help finanacially but to me its not the same as paying for everything on my own

Ive been searching apartments and ads for roomates and its 50 50

Some of it makes me feel like I cant do this and some of it makes me feel like this may be more attainable then I thought

I just need to get a second job first to try to afford living in whats out of my range but what Im use to and really want

But for now Im just kinda numb

Going in motion

Praying alot

Im sure god knows my heart but I cant help but wonder if he is also confused cause one minute Im praying for a successful outcome and next Im praying for death to visit me soon.

Wonder which one hell grant me

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Comments (1)

  1. jamesgirl

    I hope God grants you success. We all die someday anyway so we might as well steal a lil sunshine while we are alive. Don’t give up beautiful girl, miracles do happen. One happened the day you were born. You’re beautiful and young, celebrate your youth, even when you feel like crying. Hugs!

    June 10, 2017