Dear God.....Its Mi Mi

There is a girl I work with

Soon to be quiting

I was happy she was quiting because that means I wont see her ever

Deep down I hate this girl

Deep down Im jealous of this girl

She is young

She is loved by everyone

She is a single mother

She is self suffiecient

She is beautiful

But she does not believe in God

So I wonder how is it that she doesnt believe yet her life is golden

Now of couse I only see from the outside

I dont know what goes on behind close doors

I only see whats presented

But what I see makes me mad and sad

Makes me jealous

We are told that God loves us, will never leave usas long as we believe, have faith, be faithful

I am no saint

I have lied, I steal, had sex outside of marriage and whatever else is considered a sin

But I do my best to believe

Im a good person

Even when Im struggling and just down and out I do my best to be there for others

So Im wondering how can she be so sure its not a god

I am not sure and fear comes over me for that because I want nothing more then to go to heaven

But I say all that rambling to say

God why would you make me like this

Why have you allowed people to hurt me

Why have you not giving me what I need to get passed the hurt and anger that resides in me

What have I done that I cant be close to you

That Im angry at you

That I cant trust you but you are God

Why is this the life you gave me

Why have you not help me change the things I want to change

Is it because I question you

Is it because I didnt believe enough

Is it because I only seem to pray when Im breaking down

Is it because when I pray and thankyou for small blessings they are not sincere enough

Why didnt you let me die

Why cant I be with you

Why cant I hear you how others hear you

Why cant I feel you how others feel you

Will I never understand

Will you really forgive me when I die

Where are you

I dont care about anything

All I want is to be with you

I dont want this life

I need you to be real

Why

Even if my faith is not strong or big it was said you would love me and never leave me and I just dont understand why am I here

Why am I like this

Why are there people in the world who are doing better then me and dont have faith at all or missuse you like a genie and not a God

Tell me what to do, speak to me Ill do whatever not to be and feel like this anymore

Dear God....its Mi Mi

I dont know if your real but if you are please take me away

I dont want to start over

I dont want a second chace

I dont want reincarnation

I just wanna see you, be with you, be in heaven

To leave a comment, please sign in with
or or

Comments (1)

  1. jamesgirl

    He is real and life was not meant to be easy MiMi. That girl you are jealous of is the same as you and me on the inside. It’s just that some people have more convincing masks that they wear in public. God hears your prayers and I’ve been angry at him many times for how people have treated me and the problems in my life. Let me tell you this though, he is still God and this life is a lesson for who and what we will be in Heaven. It’s a test Mimi. This hard life and adversity builds character, molds compassion. Even in your brokenness, you are still so very beautiful and you give off divine light with your honest words. Hold on sweet girl, live this life and extract wisdom from it. When we meet God, this crazy world will all make sense. This life is not in vain. You have purpose in this world, you are on purpose. I love you. You have a friend and a confidante in me. I love you.

    June 10, 2017