What Am I Waiting For

Through out the day I try to remember what it is I want to write

So much and yet nothing really at the same time

Today was definitly on the edge day for me

I was so broken down that I cried at the drop of a hat

I felt like if anyone even asked me whats wrong I would just fall apart in their arms

But at the most I just cried alot

Then when I think about what broke me down I questioned myself

Am I overreacting

Am I overly sensitive

Am I wrong

Why do I feel like Im surrounded by people who are ok with the things they do to me but if I did it to them they wouldnt like it and swear that it wouldnt bother them

Why am I surrounded by people who have an attitude because what they did hurt my feelings but they dont even think that they automatically assume Im upset

Even if I was upset why am I wrong and it was done to me

Im so sick of that

It got me to thinking what am I waiting for

I wanna die so go ahead

My dumb overthinking ass has it all planned out the way I plan out my grocery list

I just feel defeated and that I need to stay isolated because there is not one person who understands me, who gets me, who agrees with me but ironic how I always get them

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Comments (1)

  1. jamesgirl

    You do have one person who gets you. I get you. I’ve dealt with depression for eleven years now and many time I thought of taking my own life. That thinking drove me into insanity. I turned to god and the knowing that someone truly loved me and cared about my feelings existed. He has an invisible hand to hold on to. I have a flesh and blood one to hold. Give me your hand MiMi, I’ve got a lantern to lead us into a peaceful place. A place of hope, and eternal love. You’re not alone. I’m here and I have come to love you through your sweet broken heart that you’ve shown me in your writing. Don’t give up. I’m begging you. Hold on, things change.

    June 10, 2017